On the herb highway😎😂

Suppp!!!! Still on the mission to increase my output…so yes I’m back…at the moment I’m squeezed between an old lady and grown man(one is the rock and the other is the hard place…you can choose who is who) and mtoto wa mtoto wa pastor is asleep on my lap …in a matatu with all its windows shut..feeling real sick right now… I need a car.😭😭

The above is my inspiration today…let’s talk about matatus or for anyone from the likes of USIU javs 😝 ..not about the music or the deco or even how pimped they are (smack now I’m thinking about ‘a pimp named slickback’ from boondox) I want to talk about the passengers…for now I’ll stick to my main route the Nairobi-Meru highway…mmmh wait it’s more of a road but they call it a highway…I’ll use it as my reference mainly because everytime I travel it’s ever entertaining…First off I just have to point out that I don’t like sitting  next to a guy or in the middle of two…I have no problems with guys I just have an issue with your darned broad shoulders…want to know why …well your shoulders take up part of our seats then forcing us to squeeze our upper body..got us looking like those ‘chickens of turning’ (gûkû ya mûthiûrûrûko…kuku za mzunguko…kuku porno)… You have to admit they have their arms really tight up against their chest:D😂😂 and who wants to look like a chiken??….so that’s why.

Now let us chambua the different types of passengers according to my experiences…my favourite anyway…I’ll remind you that this is the Nairobi- MERU Highway/road so the herb is involved (no not that herb..the legal one).. 😋😋

  1. The drunkard:  so there tends to be a drunk guy and we all know it’s on some cheap liquor eg best gin going at 50/- (don’t ask how I know this) half the time he gets into a vigorous argument with the donda (conductor) about the fare and where he was to alight …the other half of the time he is out cold and will drape his oh so heavy head on the closest shoulder and probably drool on it😂. He is ever alone or in the company of a fellow drunk and in the case of the latter its less entertaining and more of chaos. As long as this guy isn’t next to me then I’ll have a laugh.
  2. The student: I enjoy observing them with the struggle to hide their identity as students and the last minute rush to eat all the things you won’t get to have till the next month or so…I’d say they remind me of my past but I’d be half lying. Let’s take an example of today…a young boy gets into the matatu..white cap on his head, a black T-shirt with wwe written on it and grey pants… bag in hand and what I assumed to be shopping. Soon as he gets in the matatu is filled with the smell of chips/fries (me and my starving miyoo wanted to attack but alas we are mothers) which he anxiously unwraps and devours..I guess he was taking it all in one last time before facing ‘starvation’…then he reaches into his ‘shopping’ bag and takes out something wrapped in a newspaper..then the chewing begins…and immediately the donda wants a piece of the action…guess it’s not only the fries he needed a last taste of…the herb (miraa). His HIGHness went on to explain how he would sneak into school in his state..(zilikua zimeshika hadi zikararuka)😂😂😂
  3. Overly friendly: this is the one person who sits next to you and you just have to….I repeat..have to fall asleep and dream too if you can. The mean well but they tend to over share and have unending questions. Today for instance mtoto wa mtotowapastor is sound asleep on mtotowapastor’s lap so she tries to do the same (sleep) just when I’m bout to take a bite of that juicy perfectly grilled drumstick (yes I dream about food) the grown a$$ man next to me speaks…I try to ignore it and go back to that fyyyyyn piece of chicken but no he does it again “unaona kama nitafika Nairobi mapema?? Unajua nimeshinda kwa stage ya nanyuki for three hours…wewe unafika wapi??” I answer none because I’m angry I didn’t have my chicken. I stare at him blankly and ( my brain is mean… It scares me sometimes… I think stuff….)  In my head I have my own questions … Do I know you?? Did you not see me sleeping?? Who sent you??…do you want some chicken??…or better yet scream “stranger danger!!” And go back to my chicken…I then quickly gave him answers just to get back to that…perfectly seasoned mother or father of the egg:D😂…but I couldn’t go back to sleep…sleep refused me….guy of my dreams unajijua…I know you ate my chicken because your are the only one I dream of …I want my drumstick back.😘
  4. The mother and child duo: this is in essence mtotowapastor.she has a child who is very very active so the child is everywhere and at times moving from person to person.. Her child will laugh at you when you aren’t looking …but give you a ‘what you looking at’ face when you do.she has a million things on her lap so it’s best you don’t make her get up from her seat. The will randomly nurse/breastfeed her baby and make some people very uncomfortable but not give a hoot.😎😎
  5. The family: traveling as a family is awesome but it’s a tad bit depressing when they don’t sit together. There was this one time a family of three sat on differnt seats…they then decided to get a snack (a box of biscuits) it’s no big deal but they kept passing the box back and forth over my head😓😓….i can’t lie that murder didn’t cross my mind but I let it go…they should have just bought the small packs (za 5/-) …and this other time a couple got separated in a matatu and for the whole trip the guy kept turning and asking for his phone from his girl/wife (had he no pockets???) I had like a million questions like why did the lady have a clinch and a handbag?? Again…had he no pockets?? Did his have holes?? Or were they full??…guess we’ll never know.:roll::roll:ohh and having odd conversations

Those are my favourite for now…now in other stories ..mtotowapastor found love…Kenya vs Germany was lit though we lost…finally got to meet Biko Adema and Sammy Oliech😍😍😍

Thanks for reading:D:D like comment and share…shout out to my marketing director Kesh😘😘 …. Wonderlust you the best…y’all are loyal!!

Mob kilovitoz✌✌


14 thoughts on “On the herb highway😎😂

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